“Have we peaked?” We kept asking ourselves. Damn that’s a beautiful archipelago. We had the honeymoon stay of a lifetime on this remote and incredibly well-maintained (and surprisingly sustainable) resort. From the private flight in to the massive secluded beachside villa to the beautiful outdoor soaking pool, we felt beyond pampered. You want a private beach? It basically feels like your own private island, pure and pristine. You want incredible service? Everyone will know your schedule and will cater to you as such throughout your stay, and you will never wait for anything. You want relaxation? The spa treatments are great and the poolside is serene. You want to spend the day looking at your phone while tanning and getting served a fresh drink every twenty minutes while you post thirst-traps to your followers? Boy, have I got the atoll for you! Kudos to the Tetiaroa Society for keeping the reef, islets, and lagoon pristine and doing so much to protect the nesting sea birds and sea turtles (trip highlight: watching newly hatched baby turtles crawl into the ocean. Amazing!), among other things. There is something like 10:1 staff to guest ratio at the Brando, and it shows. Whenever we called for a golf carts, they appeared instantly. Whenever we ordered room service and it was brought to our private villa, consistently exceeding expectations. Every kitchen and bar was staffed nightly despite the exclusive number of villas. The whole crew works tirelessly, with every path and beach freshly groomed, and every amenity full of beautifully woven leaves and flowers. We often felt like we had the whole island to ourselves (minus the tireless hosts staff who were always serving us, golfcarting us, taking us on an excursion, and generally making us feel like royalty). Thomas and the whole team at Bob’s bar—the defacto watering hole for beachside guests who venture out from their private villas—deserve a special mention, with an incredible cocktail/mocktail menu and a killer kitchen staff (…even the leather bound menu itself feels like a piece of art) served up in the wet heat. Kudos to Hugo, Axel, Paola, and everyone else who kept me and my wife thoroughly hydrated. Get the “real life mounds bar” which is basically hot chocolate inside ice cream inside a coconut. Hell, get two, you’re on vacation. At the Brando, every excursion feels like a private tour, every reservation feels like a private dinner. Usually I’m not one to go all inclusive, but this time we went with it, and it was an amazing decision. It honestly felt like the best value (and considering the staggering costs of the resort itself, that’s saying something). Not only for the sake of never thinking once about whether to order another Strawberry Daquiri, marlonburger, lobster roll etc… especially when combined with the daily activities and spa treatments that are thrown in, it made sense. The reef quest, bird tour, and ultimate tour are all excellent ways to spend some time while here, staffed by incredibly knowledgeable and friendly guides. Tetiaroa offers some of the best snorkeling we’ve ever had, especially in this day and age of bleached coral and overcrowded beaches. We we dozens of types of sea life just by sticking our head in the water on the beach, from flounder and jackfish to stingrays, turtles, octopi, and curious reef sharks. If you make zero plans, you will still have an amazing time. Food was great, especially when you realize you are in the absolute middle of nowhere. They grow so much on the island and every ingredient is so fresh and flavorful, as well as the incredible attention to detail with preparation, serving (and allergy awareness) it’s hard to go wrong. My only real critique is this: let’s face it - If you end up booking here, you are probably some higher tier of food snob (at least I would hope so), and you are spending a nontrivial amount on even a short stay on the island. Les Mutinee (despite the stylized decor and whimsical nautical map menu) did not live up to our (granted, extremely, perhaps criminally high) expectations, given the price point (especially when the price fixe is an upsell even on the all inclusive option). HOWEVER it was still a great night and ended with the best suffle I’ve ever had in my life. Would it be the best restaurant in a major West cost city? Not quite. Is it the best restaurant in French Polynesia? Probably third best restaurant that we went to (right behind to Lagoon in Bora Bora and La Villa Mahana). Is it still special, magical, and captivating in its own stylized way? Absolutely. Something about the menu just didn’t click for us, but both nights we went, it was basically a private dinner in an amazing location, so this “complaint” feels like peak pettiness in the grand scheme of things, but it simply must be mentioned. Every other meal we had at all of the restaurants was memorable and delicious, and the Polynesian firedancing performance night is intense and authentic in ways so many resorts fail to achieve. For couples looking to treat themselves to luxury in private, unless you know a billionaire with a nice island or megayacht of their own, this is pretty much the ceiling of South Pacific exclusive luxury. We asked for extra padding on our bed and got it ASAP. Turndown service was arranged based on our schedule, and our villa was always immaculate. The villa itself (3 huge rooms including a beach facing bedroom, a deck and pool, our private beach, a his and hers closet leading into a massive glass-walled bathroom with an outdoor bathtub) has incredible AC, sound system, and amenities. It was perfect for us as newly weds and we had more privacy than anywhere we have ever stayed, including in our “backyard” beach skinny dipping under the Milky Way. There are large coral colonies literally feet from the shore teeming with life. For solo travelers… you will feel very alone, as chances are there is basically nobody else at any part of the resort at any given time (except peak afternoon at the bar). Take this as you will, but you may make good friends over drinks, we observed many couples stayed to themselves with a few exceptions (.. but that’s the point, is it not?). Fortunately, all staff are incredibly friendly and interesting, from the “lifers” to the newly arrived hosts. I would probably go a little crazy if I was here by myself (even as an introvert) because at times it almost feels like you’re in the matrix/metaverse/mmo server no one else is logged into. But that could be a plus for you, who knows. They say it’s lonely at the top, and the Brando feels quite close. Maybe I was crazy to book here, and I won’t lie that I was keeping an eye out for any celebrities. But during our stay, we felt like we truly were on another level of life in terms of service and comfort and oneness with the pristine environment. All while also feeling keenly aware that we had our own part to play in some new season of TV about privileged yuppies on the ultimate vacation. If you can go, go. You will still have an amazing vacation if you chose other islands or resorts, but this one truly feels one in a million on so many levels. P.s. Please Don’t waste this incredible, exclusive, pristine luxury resort on your kids - enjoy it all for yourself and your spouse!

Multiple visits repeat Brando guest again left underwhelmed and disappointed by the food at The Brando. New fancy famous French chef who sold his name to the Brando but is not on sight would be embarrassed to be served many of the dishes…a so called “lobster roll” that is 90 % mayonnaise and 10% lobster with a shallow slit in the bun to give the appearance of an overloaded lobster roll was inedible. A small burger completely lost in an oversized brioche bun. Consumers at this level know all the tricks. So best to deliver quality product. Missing is what you would expect at a luxury resort beach restaurant…lots of crudo and sushi INCLUDED in the daily meal plan, poke bowls with generous portions of locally caught tuna and swordfish, fish tacos, ceviche’s, gourmet flatbreads and creative pasta dishes, DAILY specials… Perhaps abandoning a meal plan and going to an Ala carte would fix the problem? You are trying to profit by cutting corners on quality. Get a chef who will live ON ISLAND and babysit the kitchen staff while executing proper food for a 5 star private island resort. The island is spectacular, the villas are gorgeous and the spa is wonderful. I am not sure I will return until the food is fixed….spoke to many other guests while there and the feeling is mutual amongst most hotel guests.

We spent a week at The Brando in October and WOW…our family is still talking about it! The property itself is absolutely stunning and the service is honestly out of this world. Every single detail is thought through. The staff is so friendly and on top of everything. They must study everyone’s itinerary daily because, no matter who you pass, they’ll know your plans for the day and wish you well. We’ve never stayed somewhere with a similar level of service as The Brando. The partnership with Tetiaroa makes the stay even more special. We spent so much time learning and exploring and the positive impact that they’re having on the environment will be felt for generations to come. The Brando belongs in a league of their own but, until that exists, every 5 star hotel GM should stay here in order to raise their own bar of service excellence. We joke that they have ruined us for future travel. 5 stars all around! Our only challenge now is to figure out how to make this “once in a lifetime trip” an annual vacation.

The island wasvery beautiful, we went for scuba diving as they have a dive center, but there was no reef system. So we didn't dive after first 2. We could not enjoy ANYWHERE OUTDOORS due to the flies!!! They make their own compost so there's a major issue! The dinner and lunch menus are very limited. A burger, club sandwich with 4 drinks over $300! It was a total waste, I do not recommend this exclusive island. They did refund us $27,000, but it was not worth the hassle of getting there.

I brought my parents to The Brando to celebrate my Fathers retirement and it was the absolute best choice I could have made. We didn't mention to the staff why we were there but we were of course treated like absolute royalty anyway. I can't even imagine how the service could have been better. It was actually straight up perfection. My parents and I are all well traveled and we all agreed service at the Brando is unmatched. As far as the resort itself I would simply describe it as otherworldly. Its absolutely stunning and picturesque at every turn. Words, pictures and videos truly don't do justice to just how magnificent this place really is. You've got to come see it for yourself. Thank you so much to staff and management at the Brando for an unforgettable trip. We really appreciate you all so much.