Cliveden House

I booked a one night stay with the 7 course tasting menu with wine for my husbands 80th birthday. On arrival we were given an upgraded room which was lovely albeit with a small bathroom. The tasting menu was mediocre at best I understand why the restaurant was virtually empty only four tables with diners. We complained about a small piece of lamb being tough and was told I’ll tell chef /very unconcerned. On returning to our room my husband was fine but I was violently sick and continued to be so for most of the night. Manager seemed unconcerned when I reported to him in the morning said he would pass on complaint to the company that they have to deal with this. I also hadn’t expected a service charge of £42.59 for staying in the room for one night when I had paid nearly a thousand pounds for the experience. Likewise a service charge of £72.94 for the food and beverage. Would never ever go to this place again.

Appalling start to our stay, real lack of staff, computer system also failed. After an hour at reception we gave up trying to book in and said we would go for lunch in the bar. Needless to say no staff in the Bar had to go around the Hotel to locate them. Finally made it to room specifically ordered a Suite with separate rooms for my daughter. Needless to say was given one room with no separate space. The room decidedly shabby. I complained needless to say nothing done. Truly appalling start to our stay this is at a £900 plus a night hotel!!! Not five stars at al.

Thanks to all the staff at Clivedon House, special Thanks to Liam Phelan for arranging a very special 3 course A La Carte Menu dinner following our Valentines Day Dinner earlier in the year, including a surprise 'Imperial Beluga Caviar' to start off the evening. Decided to make it a surprise stay over Dinner, Bed & Breakfast for me & my beautiful wife Caroline. It was definately worth a stay, relaxed and enjoyed the grounds, found a surprise afternoon venue 'Astor Grill' within an old Stable. Steeped in History, as well Scandal's it was a delightful and memorable experience I can highly recommend to couples to enjoy. We will definately be planning an overnight stay again in the future.

It’s no wonder that Cliveden House—a masterpiece of architecture and landscape design with a rich, captivating history—has given rise to a toxic mix of arrogance and ignorance. This unfortunate blend makes the hotel portion of the estate a miserable experience for anyone expecting luxury service worthy of the estate itself, the price tag, or the two Michelin Keys it somehow holds. It seems that the personnel (especially management) believe they are descendants of the Astors themselves and are doing your poor mortal soul a favor by hosting you in such a grand establishment. Perhaps the place makes everyone feel so small and insignificant that they seize any opportunity to exercise their own inferiority complexes—often on guests, and perhaps even more junior staff. To make matters worse, the constant flow of tourists who flock to Cliveden for its fame contributes to a complete dismissal of feedback and a lack of motivation for improvement. Let’s get into the details of our experience to understand why we arrived at what may seem like a controversial conclusion. ⸻ The Estate The estate itself is truly breathtaking—from the grand fountain at the entrance, to the immaculately landscaped gardens, the views of the forest and River Thames, and the various pieces of art collected from around the world. The gold clock tower, fireplaces, painted ceilings, and sculptures make for a stunning and unforgettable atmosphere. Sadly, for the most part, this is where the spectacular experience ends, and the reality of incompetent and arrogant hotel management sets in. ⸻ The Good • The doormen were exceptional. Along with the maids and a few staff members in the restaurants, they were the only personnel who made us feel welcome. They weren’t pretentious, were extremely helpful, and genuinely seemed to want us to enjoy a carefree, luxurious stay. • The maids were also excellent—discreet and efficient in both morning and evening services. The only issue we had was discovering a dirty nappy bin upon arrival. • The house tour on Day 3 was pleasant, informative, and well-conducted. • Breakfast was acceptable. While it lacked any luxury items or advanced cooking techniques, the essentials were there and the staff were friendly and attentive. ⸻ The Bad • Receptionists were either utterly incompetent or unbelievably arrogant. They would routinely pick up the phone and ignore us when we approached. When we did manage to speak to someone, the responses were often nonsensical—for example, when asked about live music, we were told that “sometimes there are weddings with live music.” • Despite informing them in advance that we had a newborn and a pushchair, we were given a room on the first floor in the only wing without a lift. When we raised this, we were brushed off with a dismissive, “It is what it is.” No introduction to the grounds, the room, or facilities. Nothing. • We had booked a tennis court for four different days via email and even confirmed it in person at the spa. No one mentioned that the courts are a 10-minute drive away and often require waiting for a car to take you. • We pre-ordered a picnic (£178) for a boat outing and specifically requested pescatarian options. Instead, we received all meat and a few vegetarian items—nothing pescatarian. • The unused crib we asked to be removed stayed outside our room for two days despite three separate requests. • Upon checkout, I expressed that the service was not up to luxury standards and asked for the service charge to be removed. While they agreed without resistance, they entirely ignored my feedback and offer to discuss our experience. In over a decade of travel, we’ve never encountered such indifference. • The billing was incorrect. The nightly rate charged was different from what I prepaid, and I’m now disputing the discrepancy. They also charged £12.50 for a hash brown at breakfast—without informing us that it was an extra charge or providing a bill at the time. • The worst moment was during our second dinner at the Cliveden Dining Room. We arrived with two children (one a newborn). About 30–40 minutes in, just as our mains arrived, the baby became mildly fussy. We tried to soothe her discreetly for two minutes. Before we could leave or calm her down, a waitress asked my wife to leave the dining room to avoid disturbing other guests. My wife was understandably upset, and I left left shortly after her. The dining room manager came out and argued that it’s acceptable to ask guests to leave, comparing it to telling loud adult groups to quiet down. This is an absurd comparison—children are allowed in the dining room, and newborns can’t always be instantly calmed. Mid-conversation, a senior staff member walked up and, without acknowledging us, started to have a conversion with the manager and told her that he needed her elsewhere when she’s done with us. Unbelievable. Though they did comp the dinner, there was no follow-up or apology for the disruption it caused—particularly for my wife. ⸻ The Ugly The Spa deserves its own section under “ugly.” • Upon arrival, we were told, “The pool is that way”—with a vague wave down a long corridor. No tour, no towels, no sunbed setup, no menu, and absolutely no service. Yet, the moment my six-year-old and I entered the outdoor jacuzzi (with no one else around), a staff member instantly appeared to tell us children weren’t allowed. Similarly, five minutes before children’s swim time ended, someone showed up to remind us. This happened every single visit. One time we weren’t even greeted at all. Should I mention that no one brought up that there is disabled access which would help us avoid stairs with the push chair? It was, however, open for private event guests… • On our second day, we were greeted by an older lady who immediately informed us—grim-faced and channeling Tim Curry’s concierge in Home Alone 2 after he found out that Kevin’s credit card was stolen—that it was 17:27 and kids’ pool time was almost over. Fortunately for her, she didn’t get the satisfaction of turning us away, as I pointed out children are allowed in the outdoor pool until 18:00. Naturally, five minutes before six, we were reminded again that our time was up. ⸻ Conclusion While some individual issues might seem minor in isolation, taken together—and in the context of a supposed “luxury” hotel charging £1,000+ per night and bearing two Michelin Keys—they paint a clear picture of systemic incompetence, arrogance, and a lack of accountability. It’s such a shame as this place can be truly magnificent in the right hands. ⸻ Next Steps 1. Contact Relais & Châteaux to inform them of the appalling service at Cliveden and urge them to investigate. We previously had a great experience at one of their properties in Italy, so we hope this is an isolated case. If the situation is rectified, we’d be open to returning. 2. Reach out to the Michelin Guide, suggesting that their next inspection be anonymous—and ideally include children. It’s clear the hotel put on a show during inspection to earn their keys. We’ve stayed at six other 2-Key Michelin properties in the UK, and all but Cliveden delivered service that matched expectations. 3. Request that Google separate reviews for the hotel and the estate. The hotel benefits unfairly from positive reviews left by day visitors who didn’t stay overnight. ⸻ Good luck.

What a wonderful afternoon. We arrived by boat (our own) and were met by car to take us up to the hotel. Our table was by the window, with delightful views of the gardens & river. This afternoon tea was all we hoped, delicate, delicious sandwiches, all kinds of savoury & sweet treats washed down by tea & fizz. Our staff couldn’t do enough for us. So impressed by the service, high standards and overall experience. Thank you for a very special memory.