Hesperia Lanzarote

What can I say but this was paradise, the location the hotel and staff absolutely fabulous, the hotel was done beautifully for Christmas so festive, the place is spotlessly clean, the peace and quite as it’s adult only is perfect, a short stroll to a beautiful Marina with lots of bars and restaurants. The staff are so lovely nothing is to much trouble and they all have a smile on their faces, we felt so well looked after, we will definitely be returning.

Stayed for a few nights over the new year, it’s a nice hotel but in my opinion definitely not 5 star. The service was ok nothing out of the ordinary, staff were pleasant but that’s the least I would expect in a five star hotel. my room was serviced very late in the day after 3pm on two occasions. I stayed in a sea facing room with fabulous views but there was an awful smell of sewerage whilst out on the balcony which was a pity. The swimming pools were my biggest disappointment as they were all freezing cold. I questioned this with reception who assured me that all pools were heated to 25 degrees and were checked every morning. She continued to explain that the outside temperatures could be affecting the pool temperature, how/why if they say they are constantly heated to 25 degrees. The pools were practically empty during my stay and I believe it was because of the icy cold water. I stayed in Tenerife in February and early November which had heated pools so I clearly know when a pool is heated or not, Short stroll to puerto calero port which had a lovely few restaurants and bars, and one day we did the Costa walk to puerto del carmen which took about 50 mins to walk.

We have just spent 11 lovely nights in Secrets our festive/new year visit! We come here twice a year and have done for many years - we love the place and the staff so much. We are welcomed back with such warmth and cava with chocolates. The care and attention we receive for my two family members with disabilities is off the scale and beyond anything we have ever experienced from any other hotel/service/facility (hence being repeat guests). The adaptive aids for the room, addressing dietary needs discretely, a spacious centrally located room reserved seating etc mean so much to us, we are forever grateful and we never take it for granted. We always meet regular returning Christmas/NY guests which is nice. The hotel was beautifully decorated as always. This year many of the returners were commenting and disappointed about the multiple cut backs noted and the fact Christmas lacked some of the magical atmosphere of previous years and New Year also seemed to be a casualty of some cuts too ( falling balloons and fireworks gone). The gala’s on Christmas night and New Year’s Eve had a wide range food. The secrets chocolate clock desert an essential part of New Year’s Eve banquet for the last 8 years was missing other desserts were available and plentiful. The Portofino gala on Christmas night was amazing - including the vegan menu compliments to the chef. The salad dressings and ice cream sauces seem to have vanished from world cafe - we’d love to see them return. We had lunch in Oceana and Barefoot grill and always enjoyed our meals there. Bluewater and Portofino were are favourites on a night - the new Bluewater deserts are scrumptious! All the staff are amazing and work so hard to make every guests stay enjoyable. The concierge team are just the best (although we missed Conte) Liana, Manu, Josef etc. thank you. Laura, Carla and Macarena from guest services really helped made yet another stay very special. Fewer workshops this year but the candle making one remains and Lorena from Ivanti is brilliant and we love her workshop each year. Hope she will be doing the workshop when we are here in the summer. Isabel Pilates great as always and a nice Zumba session added this year. The spa is adored by my sister. Delores and her team are very kind and welcoming. My sister had 2 wonderful massages by Francesca?? name. For my sister the spa is as she says heaven on earth! Thanks to all our Secrets family for helping us create more precious memories and all the care attention we receive. Hasta la próxima ….

Reading some reviews I feel like I must have stayed at a different hotel. This certainly was not the 5* experience I was expecting. I have stayed at Secrets in the Dominican Republic which was amazing. Sadly Lanzarote in my opinion doesn’t come close. Positives first: Star of the staff is Sonia Guitierrez, Director of Operations who saved what was edging on a disastrous holiday. I thank her for her efforts. She would be an asset to any 5* hotel. A friendly, efficient welcome and check in. The hotel had been decorated with lovely Christmas lights and trees. Sadly that’s all the positives. Negatives: Rooms are tired and in need of renovation. We had a sea view which was nice but the room was very dated, Towels were threadbare. The food is at best 3*. We were upgraded to the “Preferred Club” as we complained regarding only being able to eat in the buffet for breakfast and lunch. Whoever came up with the “Preferred Club” marketing strategy should be shot. It straight away alienates all other guests. The hotel, has zero atmosphere and very weak and repetitive entertainment. No special entertainment for Christmas. On Christmas night they had Bollywood Dancing for an hour 🙄 Service in the bar was excruciatingly slow and around the pool service was almost zero. Restaurant service in Portofino was very slow and the food quality poor. The pools are not heated and only a few were brave enough to venture in. The hotel was clearly very under occupied and still could not bring service to an acceptable level. Secrets Lanzarote, I wanted to love you but you need to up your game!

For a hotel with so many rave reviews I am sorry to differ. If there are any guests that can open the butter within 60 seconds, congratulations. I imagine that the Procurement Director was congratulated for shaving one tenth of a Euro off the price. Said director I suspect was also responsible for the bath towels. Do they do the job of drying? Yes, but do they in any way represent luxury, no. Similarly, a decision also in the bathroom, but here by the architects, where the shower cubicle is narrow and long where I am not. Hair washing was clearly not part of the test and the safety grab handle is far more likely to cause an accident by jabbing you coldly in the kidneys than saving a fall. I do not know which of the Procurement director or the architect would have decided on the design of the sun shades but again they are not great at their function. They are immovable and with such a small diameter as to mean that getting any shade to fall where the sunbed is, is a challenge. The food is good, but it may be indicative that the most enjoyable evening meal was in the Bluewater grill, where as I cooked on the charcoal grill the speed of service was dictated by me. Oceana has lovely, stylish food but the service sets out to be only efficient and fast when I am sure every guest wants an experience. Take an extra thirty minutes, none of us have appointments or pressures. We're here to relax. Breakfast is good, but sad that the honey is in another difficult-to-open packet rather that comb. Lunch in the World Cafe is excellent, fish cooked beautifully and great selection of salads. Coco, the coffee bar, also scores well with good service and milkshakes. The layout of the main entertainment area is strange, with too many conference style chairs, in my opinion designed to bring pain after an hour, set out, not to promote conversation but to face the stage. Again I suspect that these too are a function of cost control. Why have conference chairs and lounge chairs when they will only be sat on for an average of an hour or so a day? The drinks service in the evenings is slow but friendly. The local port has great boats to look at but sadly nearly all of the shops are permanently closed. The entertainment has been good by a large but the penny pinching and efficiency have won out over fun. I can recall the faces, and in some cases names, of team members at hotels, visited over the past fifteen years, because they interacted as humans. At Secrets Lanzarote there is efficient service but no-one stands out, which is shame. Get Outlook for Android