Hesperia Lanzarote

Secrets Lanzarote was chosen after carefully considering the various reviews on trip advisor and assessing such with care.It was advertised as an adult only 5 star luxury hotel however the general consensus amongst the guests we spoke to was that it was a 4 star at best. We wanted a hotel which was 5 Star and one which would offer a luxurious experience good food and all mod cons The people with respect who have dubbed this a 5 star experience are in my view are very far off the mark. Being fair this was not even close to a 5 star hotel ; the only thing that was 5 star were the staff ; other than the staff everything else was tired and shabby and below par; the choice of food was really bland and poor ; the junior suites which were expensive were tiny at best and lacking in any comfort or luxury - no sofas and the rooms were not properly cleaned every day with debris behind the toilet and poor grouting etc; the products were cheap and basic ; the room was shabby and the paint was chipped off the walls. The entertainment was located in reception with no separate area for relaxing and the entertainment was of pretty poor quality and high volume levels ; it looked like a lecture theatre ; the waiter service for preferred all inclusive as we were was slow and Infrequent. The Pools despite the reasonably hot weather were freezing cold and I defy anyone to challenge the fact that the sun loungers were perhaps the cheapest back breaking chairs one could encounter anywhere - almost laughable ; there are NO shops in the hotel and it is bleak This is not a cheap hotel and you are paying big money for all inclusive. We have been to Lanzarote many many times and we knew many people left to go to the Marina in the evenings as the hotel simply to seemed to shut down once the evening entertainment finished - it was a soul-less place indeed Let me please reiterate the staff were amazing but one has to be fair in giving an honest and frank description of this establishment which is punching well above its true weight representing itself as a 5 star hotel when it is way short in my view of anything remotely close to this.

We are here now, day three and sadly is bang average. We booked as we’ve stayed at three Mexican Secrets previously which are exceptional in every way. First the good bits. Very clean, rooms are exceptional. We’re in preferred club swim up, sun all day, can’t be faulted. Breakfast is good. Both preferred and buffet. Staff on reception are very ‘secrets’ exceptionally friendly. Location good, easy walk into the local port or taxi to bigger resorts Now the not so good… done four restaurants and range from average to terrible. Oceana served us dried up monkfish bites in a lukewarm warm broth, inedible bland tempura veg and we both had Thai green curry with mixed seafood. The curry was a puddle in a dish with undercooked prawns, overcooked bouncy scallops and overly salty potatoes. We went hungry. The main pool bar has ‘swim up stools’ and no access to a drink. Service round the pool is rare. It closes at six as does the barefoot bar, leaving just the Japanese restaurant bar and lobby bar, neither can be accessed in swimwear so your day is curtailed. It’s lovely still here temp wise with folk still in the pool gone 7 but god forbid you want a drink, even water as my husband found out. The evening entertain so far has been a woman who screeched and a band who banged pots and pans (that’s what it sounded like). We have twice retreated to our lovely room with a bottle of verjedo which is lovely. On the third night of asking my husband was told no we couldn’t do that!! Luckily there are lovely restaurants close by so once again we are eating out tonight. The Italian was pretty bad day 1 but redeeemef with a nice tiramisu. All in all, not worthy of the Secrets branding sadly.

We were very underwhelmed by Secrets Lanzarote. It’s supposed to be a 5 star resort but misses the mark in many aspects. I’ll start with the strongest positive and that is the lovely spa. The staff there are brilliant and the facilities very good. We both had a relaxing full body massage which gave us stay long access to the sauna, jacuzzis and indoor (heated!) pool. Money well spent. It’s downhill from here now. The food was average and boring. On booking you are told that there are 4 a la carte restaurants, which there are but only in the evenings for ‘non preferred club’ guests. So at lunch time we could not eat at the pool snack bar ‘barefoot grill’ and had to go to the buffet. The barefoot grill and oceana are open lunch time but only for ‘preferred club guests’. We found the labelling of dishes at the buffet really poor, sometimes wrong and often non existent. I spent every breakfast trying to work out which yogurts were being served because they were not labelled. We ate at Portofino, the Italian a la carte and it was just average. If you want a pizza you’ll have to chose one with mushrooms, olives, prawns or salami as they all contain at least one of these (except for the plain cheese margarita) Don’t expect them to offer parmesan for your pasta dish either. The dessert was a let down, I chose ‘lotus and toffee cake’. I was presented with a lotus and toffee cheesecake! Again more evidence of the bad labelling of items. We only stayed a week and there was a constant repeat of items in the buffet, pork, pork and more pork. There are themed nights, only three that repeat - Italian, Mexican and Asian. The food for all three repeating each time. I was shocked that on Italian night there was only one pizza to chose from, with olives, no wide selection which was disappointing. The pool area is nice but we had to get up early for a decent sun bed spot. There is a policy that towels left for over an hour will be collected but we saw lots of sun beds reserved in the morning and not used until the afternoon, so this policy was not enforced. The main pool itself was ice cold, freezing. This was in 29 degrees heat. The drinks are nice however and not watered down, although used cups not regularly collected and in the wind you would often hear a cup rolling on the floor. Only once were we given waiter service around the pool and that was after I walked up to the bar to order and told to return to my sun bed as the waiter would be over shortly. There is a policy of smoking only in designated areas. We saw lots of people smoking on their balconies and terraces which was not permitted. Also people vaping by the pool next to the ‘no vaping’ sign. Staff walked by saying nothing. The rooms were very nice with comfy beds. Housekeeping left a cleaning brush in our room once and they weren’t that thorough with the clean - hairs left in the shower for example. The WiFi would regularly drop out. Very annoying. Overall staff just do the minimum, maybe it was because we were ‘non preferred club’ but we still paid for all inclusive luxury, which it was not. Won’t return, back to Greece next year.

My second visit this year as I enjoyed myself so much in May I had to return for my birthday in September. I cannot say a negative word against this hotel or any member of staff. Simply amazing in every way. From the moment you check in you know you’re somewhere special. Attentiveness of the staff, their warmth and friendliness is exceptional. The welcome drink of your choice and warm towel to refresh is a great touch and concierge are wonderful 🤩 The hotel and complex is aesthetically impressive and had an amazing ambience. Rooms are simply breathtaking. Cleaning staff should be compliment as they do a suite job. A small hotel in comparison to most but a high end one that delivers everything in style, elegance. class and comfort which you’d expect from a Secrets hotel. I found it faultless and perfect from start to finish. The food is out of this world and the best English breakfast I’ve ever eaten abroad. Entertainment was very enjoyable too. Visiting Secrets Lanzarote is like being part of a unique family and one you don’t want to ever leave. We enjoyed it so much we’ve decided to make it one of our holiday destinations annually and can’t wait for May 26 to be welcomed back home once again. Thanks to all members of the team for making both our birthdays and anniversary so special and memorable. Michelle and Mark (707) May (634) September

Fabulous resort. No complaints. Staff very friendly & helpful. No major delays with anything. Plenty sun-beds. No queuing or rushing to get them!! We had preferred option-5* service at restaurants. However if didn’t don’t think be without. The main buffet very good with options for everyone & healthy and otherwise options and pool areas fab. Spa fab too.