Portland Harbor Hotel

Greetings. I am an extraterrestrial visitor from Planet Reasonable Exchange, currently studying Earth’s “hotel” customs. I regret to inform my superiors that this location appears less like lodging and more like a highly evolved money-extraction experiment. Upon arrival, the humans demanded a $35-per-day “resort credit.” Fascinating concept. The credits must be used *the same day* or they self-destruct. Why? Unknown. On my planet, currency does not evaporate if you fail to buy an overpriced snack within 24 hours. This practice has left me… confused. Every activity seems to trigger another offering to the Money Gods. Desire to exist on the property? Fee. Need something basic? Fee. I avoided making eye contact with the lobby furniture in case it charged me for emotional support. The most perplexing part: the staff. They are kind. Pleasant. Helpful. Clearly excellent humans. Yet they calmly explain these fees as if this is all very normal and not an elaborate social experiment designed to see how much a guest will tolerate before questioning reality. In conclusion, this is not merely a hotel. It is a case study in advanced pocket siphoning, disguised as hospitality. I will be reporting back to my planet that Earth businesses sometimes operate on a “use it or lose it” philosophy, and that logic is optional. End transmission.

I always wanted to have drinks and food out on the terrace by the fire. Finally able to do it and we decided to book a room for my girlfriend‘s birthday. It didn’t disappoint.

Friendly, knowledgeable, professional staff, charming nautically themed rooms and lot of extras made for a comfortable and very enjoyable experience even though we were there for surgical medical appointments at Maine Medical Center.

We stayed here the week after Christmas. The hotel itself is great. Right downtown, nice rooms, coffee and cookies on every floor. Really good breakfast in the morning. Due to bad weather coming in, we had to come a day early. We were told to book separately from our reservation. That was no problem, we did so. I booked with one credit card and then when we got to the hotel used a separate credit card for the valet. Upon checking out, I confirmed that everything was to go on the original credit card that I used to book, not the one I had used for the valet. They confirmed the card number and we left. A week later, I look at my credit card account and sure enough they charged the wrong card. Had to call the hotel, explain the situation, in which I barely got an apology. Lack of details, customer service, and paying attention will keep us away from this hotel in the future.

$35 resort fee but it’s not a resort, $45 Parking, FREEZING cold, hot water issues, rooms are basic at best