The Fives Oceanfront

Our son was staying separately at his own AirBnB but we invited him over to join us for dinner at the hotel restaurant (we were on the non-all inclusive option so all our meals were paid for individually). Later that night, we get a call on the room phone asking if my son was with us. I explained he was not and he had his own accommodation. Seemed strange, but I didn't think much about it. A couple of days later, he comes over for another meal and this time the staff stops him and me in the lobby and says he can only enter if he "registers". I'm standing right next to him and I object, saying he is my guest, but to no avail. They insist on taking his I.D. and issuing him a special bracelet and explain that he can only eat in one of the restaurants and not the other, and not occupy any of the beach lounges and not come up to our room, and not this/that. This seemed completely unnecessary to me but I acquiesced and we had our meal together and he leaves. But here's the real insult: at 11pm, after my wife and I were asleep, the room phone wakes us up and I get interrogated about whether my son is in the room. I say he certainly is NOT and I am deeply angry at the presumption and accusation. It takes me a long time to calm down and go back to sleep. We are there for a couple of more days. No apology from management and no acknowledgment of the incident at all. This establishment proved to be too full of itself. It puts on airs of exclusivity without the real class to justify it. Zero stars for hospitality.

Overall it’s lovely. It’s newer. The downstairs, beachside pool is especially lovely. However, at night they lock the door for safety and one of my two nights I waited for 20 minutes to get in and was only able to cause a guest came out for a cigarette. The keypad didn’t swipe, the button with phone icon went to a dead dial tone, I repeatedly screamed into the lobby through the tiny crack in the door and no one was there, and I can the main number from my cellphone — no answer. I spoke to the manager about it this morning when I checked out, and I believe they will resolve it so that you, dear reader won’t have this problem — but I did and I didn’t enjoy it. Two more quick things: - my good friend that I was coming to PM to visit lives in town. She came to the hotel, which she’d been wanting to check out and has considered coming for the day, but I couldn’t take her to show her anything because for anyone non-registered to even set foot in the building it’s $32. So, now my friend won’t be back and I ended up spending the days out of the hotel. - they’re at the north end of the beach where the sargassum barrier ends and, while sargassum is not their fault, it’s uniquely situated where it smells TERRIBLE (worse than other places along the beach) because what amasses 20 feet away from the hotel where the barrier ends? Oodles of sargassum. The only breakfast spot it beachfront and one morning the smell was noticeable but, OK I could live with it (took a seat as far in from the open windows as I could) but the second day, all day, the smell was truly putrid. TIP: It helps being at the rooftop pool where it is less smelly. Shout out to Stefany at Breakfast and, especially, Gerardo at the rooftop bar (who was hauling butt going up and down stairs to get meals for people at the rooftop and also bartending without and obvious support. My server in the restaurant and a couple people at the front desk didn’t seems to be happy to be there so their forced “my pleasure” and then end of every interaction felt a little hollow. I would maybe come back here again but never in low/shoulder season with the smell being as bad as it was. Again, not much they can do about climate change as massive seaweed blooms, but it also can’t be ignored.

I didn't go. My plans changed, and I had to cancel. I've been attempting to get proof of my cancellation for two weeks. My emails are kicked back. The QR code on the reservation confirmation is no good. When I sent a message through the website, it arrived with no content. I've had three phone conversations with them now. Why is it is so difficult?

Unfortunately, I wanted to like this facility so badly. Upon arrival you are hit with a heavy stench of seaweed/dead fish. It is unbearable. In fact, the employees couldn’t even stand it. The staff is extremely pushy regarding upgrading and sitting through a presentation. The location itself is very cool as it’s located downtown, which was neat to walk off the resort to visit some local restaurants however, the smell, and the beach being closed because of the seaweed and the seaweed wall was just so bad we ended up paying out-of-pocket to go to another facility. The staff tried to accommodate and send us to their Sister company, but we heard through others, the smell and situation was the same. I hope maybe in the winter season this place is booming because it does have potential. Another off vibe, pool bar closed at three. There was only one restaurant and it did not have a bar. Just overall would not recommend. It’s great for a boutique or one night stay but I do not encourage others to book their 5 to 7 day vacation or holiday here. For being all inclusive, they made you sign the receipt after every visit to get food or drink. Very strange. Food was okay. But it was hard to eat past the smell of dead fish absolutely everywhere. It was in your pores and clothes. The staff was also getting sick from the smells Here is our view. Just so disappointing. Would never book again… would rather sleep with locals on the street.

ONE OF THE WORST HOTEL EXPERIENCES I HAVE EVER HAD — DO NOT WASTE YOUR MONEY! If I could give this hotel ZERO stars, I would. This was one of the worst travel experiences I have ever had, and the customer service was even worse. Absolutely NO customer service or understanding of hospitality! I contacted the hotel before booking specifically to ask about the beach conditions. I was told the beach and water were clear and beautiful. I booked a Deluxe Oceanview room based on that information. We arrived to a room overlooking a construction dumpster and a beach completely covered in seaweed. Yes, seaweed is natural. That is NOT the issue. The issue is that I specifically asked about the conditions BEFORE booking and was told something completely different. The smell was so awful we could barely sit outside. Then came the activities department — and this was a complete mess and felt like a scam. Our reservation included a complimentary snorkeling experience. When we asked, we were simply told it was “not available.” No explanation. No alternative. We also wanted to go jet skiing. Instead of simply helping us arrange transportation to their sister property where the activity was available, we were told we would have to sit through an hour-long sales presentation. The hotel could have easily offered transportation and allowed us to use the sister property- especially since this location had no amenities (no kayaks, no paddleboards and a beach you couldnt swim in or enjoy). Instead, it felt like every any solution came with another opportunity to scam us or just sell something. Then we booked and PAID for a ziplining excursion at the exact price their staff quoted and gave a receipt for almost $350USD. A few hours later, they called our room and said, "we made a mistake and charged you the wrong price.” Rather than honoring the price THEY gave us, which was not less than the website or finding a solution, they simply cancelled our excursion. No discussion. I spoke with the manager on duty, who acknowledged that it wasn't handled correctly — and then did absolutely nothing about it or followed up with us once in the following days. The “all-inclusive” experience was another huge disappointment and lie. We were told there were three restaurants, but only ONE was open during our four-day stay. So apparently “all-inclusive” means eating at the same restaurant for breakfast, lunch and dinner every day. The dinner (Italian) was so bad we left the resort and paid to eat in town every night. Even getting a simple drink was ridiculous. I asked two different bar staff members for iced tea. Both told me they didn't have any. While I was standing there, another server walked out carrying two iced teas for another guest. At that point, it was truly unbelievable this level of service was normal at a "luxury" resort. This wasn't about one bad meal, some seaweed, or one employee making a mistake. It was a pattern of misleading information, unavailable or cancelled activities, poor service, lack of accountability, and absolutely no effort to take care of the customer. I paid for a Deluxe Oceanview, all-inclusive experience and received a dumpster view, an unbearable-smelling beach, terrible food, limited dining, a complimentary snorkeling experience we were told we couldn't use, a paid excursion that was cancelled because of THEIR pricing mistake, contradictory information, and management that couldn't be bothered to actually resolve anything. I left feeling like we had been completely misled and taken advantage of. DO NOT BOOK THIS HOTEL BASED ON THE PICTURES OR WHAT THEY TELL YOU BEFORE YOU ARRIVE. Ask exactly what your room overlooks, which restaurants are actually open, what the beach REALLY looks like, and get every activity and included amenity confirmed in writing. Spend your money where you actually feel like a valued guest.